


Overlooking the futility of using such extravagant beef, only for the flavour to be completely disguised, an overwhelming taste of sweated onion and inescapably saccharine sauce joins the dull meat filling. Three lamb chops are served with a heap of bafflingly brilliant kimchi, and while the lamb is served pink – the fat hasn’t been rendered properly and is slippery like jellied eels.įour thin gyoza skins are stuffed with lavish Wagyu beef, topped with truffle and steamed. That, or he’s also had the misfortune of eating here. I feel as though the ‘live’ DJ is blessed with the ability to read minds. The lamb chops arrive soundtracked by Fontella Bass’ ‘ Rescue Me’. This would be more understandable if dinner with drinks weren’t to cost in excess of £150. The service is quick, but so rushed that the entire experience is completed in just over an hour. The only sensible practice (besides getting up and leaving) involves eating the hot dishes before finishing with the cold appetisers. All of the dishes then arrive within the space of ten minutes. Ordering a selection of dishes to share, the waiter bluntly interrupts “that is more than enough food”. A classic Zombie is served in a Boris Karloff-lookalike tiki mug and well mixed as it should be for £15. We’re greeted and led to our table by particularly charming front of house staff, the space’s décor is unapologetically kitsch (fun even) in keeping with a playlist largely built on ‘60s pop and ‘70s disco, and the cocktails are impressive. As a venue it isn’t completely unloveable. Rather, the concise menu boasts a selection of Pan Asian dishes not dissimilar to those available at Novikov and Sexy Fish. Pufferfish doesn’t serve fugu, though, which comes as quite a relief considering a kitchen this incompetent shouldn’t be trusted to boil an egg, let alone prepare one of the globe’s most toxic fripperies. To cut a long story short, death by consuming pufferfish is seriously unpleasant, and so is dinner at its namesake Polynesian-inspired restaurant in Mahiki’s Kensington nightclub. After a few hours of abruptly shutting-down, the body eventually becomes totally paralyzed before an excruciating death from asphyxiation ensues. If improperly prepared, the fish’s tetrodotoxin begins to attack the central nervous system immediately after eating, preventing neurons from communicating with the brain. In Japan, only rigorously trained chefs are licensed to prepare fugu, but the fish has still killed more than 20 Japanese diners since 2000. Each fish has enough tetrodotoxin (one of the world’s most powerful neutrotoxins) to kill 30 adults, so it’s hardly surprising it’s banned across the EU. A delicacy synonymous with Japanese cuisine, fugu (pufferfish) is highly-prized, but potentially more deadly than cyanide.
